I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She said her name was "party"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize