There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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