and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize