Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
