a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
