Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
