The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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