I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
