I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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