He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
