It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
