Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
