he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sober January is a disaster.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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