You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
