dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
