1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
