We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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