Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
