The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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