why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize