So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
