I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I pour the whiskey from now on
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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