i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
