yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
