I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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