somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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