you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
