That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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