I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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