Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
