Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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