apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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