Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
