Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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