please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
