i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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