I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
