How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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