I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
