This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The best revenge is premature balding
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
