I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just googled if crying burns calories
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
