Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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