his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
