Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
