Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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