I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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