in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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