Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
