I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize