You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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