Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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