Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
