Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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