there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
