i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
