i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
