Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
