I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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