I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
