She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
