He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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