im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
