I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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