I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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