He is an equal opportunity slut.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
