im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
