I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
