i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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