Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
