WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
