so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
